NLP’s Embedded Commands
Embedded nlp commands/suggestions are words and phrases enclosed (embedded) within a larger context. They are units of meaning that can often have an impact beyond that which is apparent in or intended by the larger structure within which they appear.
For example, ‘A’ says to ‘B’: “I feel really bad today, B.” What is happening here goes beyonds what is intended. The phrase, “feel really bad today, B,” is an embedded suggestion to ‘B’ to feel bad — even though the apparent reference is to the speaker ‘A’ and not to the listener ‘B’. If the speaker uses enough of these embedded commands, very soon you will begin to respond to these suggestions, perhaps without being consciously aware of doing so.
NLP teaches you how to master the art of embedding commands in ordinary everyday conversations.
Examples of Embedded Commands
So pay attention to the embedded suggestions people give you and avoid, insofar as possible, those people who are practising (however unwittingly) black magic on you. If your work demands that you be around such people for extended periods of time, you can neutralise their effect on you by embedding positive suggestions of your own.
Embedded Commands in Pacing & Leading
For example, you might pace the other person by saying “Yes I know how you feel. I’ve felt that way before, too,” and then lead with, “but I could feel better, (his name), by making myself get out of here for a while.”
Embedded Commands in Commercial Ads
Any word or phrase can be thought of as an embedded suggestion. The next time you turn on the radio or television, pay attention to the words, phrases, and images used in the commercials. If the commercial has been skillfully constructed, the language used will be carefully crafted to produce a desired response. In this respect, embedded suggestions tug at the unconscious, awakening associations. These associations have the particular state of mind, or set of experiences. Words such as warm, soft, clean, powerful, bigger, and better, when repeated in varios combinations, have the cumulative effect of leading the listener to particular state of mind, or set experiences. Words such as tight, tense, anxious, afraid, weak, and helpless, can cause us to have the feelings associated with the words.
Similarly, the words, phrases, and images we use in conversation also lead our listeners to a particular state of mind or set of experiences. The critical question, “Is it the result we want?”
NLP-Embedded Questions And Commands
Two types of nlp embedded suggestions — questions and commands — deserve special attention.
1. NLP Embedded Questions
An nlp embedded questions is an implied questions that is embedded in a larger context — usually a statement.
2. NLP Embedded Commands
An nlp embedded command is simply a command that is embedded in a larger context ;
As you can see we use embedded suggestions — both questions and commands — all of the time. They’re so pervasive as to be virtually invisible. Therein lies their power.
This is a good reason for learning with nlp how to use them constructively, to help us communicate more effectively with others.
The Secret of NLP Embedded Commands
NLP’s embedded questions and commands work so effectively because, being almost invisible, they operate for the most part at the unconscious level, and thus they are not likely to cause resistance.
They will be responded-to below the level of awareness. The cumulative effect is to gently lead the other person in the direction we want them to go. This operates whether the person is consciously paying attention or not. So nlp embedded suggestions is an excellent approach to use with people who always seem too busy to give us their full attention.
Consider the boss who fiddles with paperwork when you’re trying to get him to listen to an idea. Instead of being frustrated by his behaviour, you might welcome it as an opportunity to embed suggestions using NLP. His mind is already distracted, you can easily continue talking while embedding appropriate nlp suggestions that will be responded-to unconsciously.
The net effect will be to give some ‘food for thought’ to be digested unconsciously later on! You might be pleasantly surprised to hear him voicing your ideas as if he had thought of them himself, or spontaneously acting on the suggestions you embedded earlier.
NLP Embedded Command Techniques
The tone of your voice and the emphasis suggestions are also very important. As you deliver the nlp embedded suggestions, it’s a good idea to tonally mark the parts you especially want the other person to respond to.
Additionally, by inserting someone’s name next to the suggestion you want him to attend to, you are further ensuring that he will respond to it. Our name is perhaps the most important word in our vocabulary. When we hear it mentioned, we listen more attentively.
Embedded nlp suggestions will work wonders for you when you use them with the people in your life. They will be responded to at the unconscious level, so that resistance by the other person is avoided.
How To Control A Conversation With NLP
There are at least two useful observations to keep in mind when you’re dealing with other people.
1) People like to talk more than to listen.
2) The listener controls the conversation.
The first idea hardly needs documentation. The second is a bit more elusive.
The NLP Power of Active Listening
The reason why the listener controls it is that the listener is similar to the driver of a car. The speaker is the engine, which provides the motive power, but the listener is at the wheel and provides the direction. By judiciously asking questions or making appropriate statements, the listener can guide the flow of conversation.
Speaker: “What we need is the marketing group to come up with a game plan for our region.”
Listener: “That’s an interesting idea. Can you tell me how that will generate more sales in the region?”
Speaker: “Sure, first of all it will...”
The NLP Power of Active Questioning
The listener can also establish and maintain control of the flow of conversation by asking questions to clarify or re-direct:
or by paraphrasing:
In addition to being an excellent active listening technique, paraphrasing has the effect of reinforcing the speaker, so that he/she continues to talk more.
The NLP Power of Agreement
Another NLP way to get the speaker to say more is to voice agreement. We’ve discussed at some length in the section on rapport the importance of being in agreement or alignment, with the other person. By verbally agreeing with the speaker, you are reinforcing him/her, thereby increasing the likelihood that he/she will continue talking.
Silence Imposition Technique
If you want someone to stop talking, short of asking them to be quiet, there are at least two effective nlp methods of winding down their continuos urge to speak.
You can remain perfectly silent, or you can disagree. Either of these will usually prompt the other to seek companionship elsewhere.
1. The No-Feedback NLP Technique
Silence is the absence of any verbal feedback whatever. In behaviourist jargon, it is a form of ‘extinction,’ which is simply the refusal to reinforce a particular behaviour. Extinction has been shown to be the most effective method for eliminating a behaviour from a person’s repertoire, even more effective than punishment (which, to be effective, must be administrated with each instance of the undesirable behaviour).
This is why solitary confinement, the absence of any reinforcement or feedback from other humans, is even more feared than physical punishment. One mistake many parents make when they want to quiet down noisy children is that they attempt to ‘punish’ children for making noise, but often only succeed to reinforce the very behaviour they want to eliminate. Punitive attention, it seems, is preferable to none at all. so if you want someone else to be quiet, don’t pay attention to him/her, and they will eventually go away.
2. The Negative-Feedback NLP Technique
The other effective nlp means of getting someone go away and leave you alone is to disagree. This being the opposite of pacing and building rapport.
Initially you might get an argumentative response, but if you maintain your contrariness long enough the other person will eventually go away and find someone else to talk with. It’s important for us to find people who will validate our beliefs and opinions, and we all tend to ‘drop’ people who disagree.
Silence and disagreement, of course, are rather drastic measures. Usually, simply telling the other person you’ve had enough for now will be sufficient. Still, it’s useful to know there are other options if candor fails to work.